Joker's Wild Page 6
“I’m moving out of your house immediately.”
“No, you’re not.” He continued to hold her as he repeated his denial. “That’s the last thing you’re going to do. Stop and think about it for a minute. I promised your grandmother that you wouldn’t be told until she was able to explain it to you. If you leave here, she’ll want to know why, and I don’t think she needs to worry unnecessarily, not now that she’s turned the corner of her illness.”
“How will she know I’m gone?”
“This is a small town. It would be all over Pretty Springs in half an hour. No, you can’t go anywhere. Once you’ve regained the use of your knee, your grandmother ought to be well on the road to recovery, and then we’ll tell her the full extent of your injury.”
“But I can’t stay in the house knowing that it’s yours. Don’t you see? I just couldn’t.”
“You’ll have to, Allison.”
“No. I’ll move into the carriage house, and I’ll pay you rent.”
“I will accept from you only what your grandmother would take from me.”
“And what was that?”
“I had to work for my board. Are you game?”
“I don’t know what you think I can do to earn my board.”
“You can let me help you walk again. You can stay here and let your grandmother see you get well. It’ll be all right, Beauty. I know how you’re hurting. I’m here, and I care. I really do. You don’t have to handle it alone.”
Suddenly Allison sagged against him. The tears came, tears she’d held back for so long. She cried for herself, for Gran, for the uncertainty of what was to come. All the while, she absorbed the warmth of the man holding her. The shock of what she’d just learned gradually evaporated, and she felt a faint flutter of hope.
“Why?” she asked breathlessly. “Why are you really doing this?” Her voice was shaking, and Joker knew that she’d crossed over the line that divided fear of what had happened from awareness of him as a man. He just wasn’t sure that she knew it, and it took every ounce of willpower he possessed not to tilt her head back and kiss her deeply.
“Because I care about you, Allison Josey. Don’t ask me why. Maybe it’s because when I came here I’d lost too many people that I cared about, and your grandmother took me in.”
“It’s easy to care when you aren’t the one who’s just lost everything.”
“No. I lost everything long ago. I guess I’m trying to buy it back.”
“I’m sorry, Joker. That was unkind of me. I don’t know anything about you or your past.”
“Talking about the past isn’t easy. Even my brothers don’t understand.” His voice trailed off. Maybe she’d trust his motives, understand how he felt, if he told her. Maybe he’d understand too.
He caressed her hair with his hand as he talked. “My father was the town drunk. When my sister was only a baby, my mother left us.”
“I’m sorry, Joker.”
“She didn’t live very long. I think she found out that her new life wasn’t what she’d thought it would be. After she left, Pop seemed to give up. We’d always lived in housing projects, trailer parks. Toward the end, after my brothers Jack and King were away, we lived in the back of our station wagon.”
He paused for a long second before going on. “Finding your grandmother and this house was like finding something I’d lost. And then you came. I care about you, Allison Josey. I felt something the moment we met. Can’t we leave it at that for now? I don’t know what will happen, or where we’ll go from here, but if I could change things and give the estate back to you, I’d do it.”
“You would? What if I offered to buy it back at the same price you paid?”
“I’d hate to give it up, but I would.”
She knew that he meant it. “Thank you, Joker. I think I might have been wrong about you. I’d like to give you a hug.”
She slid her arms around his waist and laid her face against his broad chest. She refused to think about the feeling of energy and power that came with Joker’s touch. She just knew that every time he came near her, she experienced an inexplicable yearning. In spite of her hateful accusations, he’d given her a great deal, and she was grateful.
They stood, holding each other, feeling pleasure in giving comfort. Without thinking, she nudged his shirt away so that she could feel the warmth of his skin against her cheek.
His skin rippled in reaction to her touch. And then the way he held her changed. Her body began to ache with a warm heaviness that she couldn’t understand.
“Tomorrow we’ll start exercising.” Joker cleared his throat and took a deep, steadying breath. Oxygen didn’t help. His voice sounded as if it came from somewhere below his kneecaps.
“We will?” She felt dizzy, too disoriented to control the way her body was responding. “Maybe you ought to start by teaching me how to stand. Even my good leg is unsteady.”
“I’ll hold you.” Joker’s touch was restrained as he moved his hands reassuringly down her back to cup her buttocks and take all her weight in his hands. He felt her press against him. He couldn’t be wrong about the invitation her body was sending him. She wanted him, but now was not the time. If he made love to her now, she’d never forgive him. She was hurt and vulnerable and reacting to his kindness. He’d hold her for a while, let her gently down, and then wait until he knew the feeling was truly for him.
“It’s so warm,” she said. “We need air-conditioning. I’ve told Gran for years that we need to get some units, but she would never agree.”
“I think we need some fresh air. Let’s sit out on the patio and get to know each other.” He lifted her into his arms, pushed open the door, and stepped into the cool of the evening. She snuggled close, every brush of her breast against him a form of pure torture.
“Of course, it’s your house now,” she said agreeably, “and if you want air-conditioning, you don’t have to ask me.”
“It isn’t that simple, darling.” He placed her In the swing and sat down beside her, keeping his arm around her. She laid her head naturally on his chest and adjusted her body until they were comfortable together. He didn’t think that she’d believe him if he told her that the down payment on the house had taken up all of his savings, that he’d had to make a few good bets at the track to parlay his money into twice what he’d had to Start with to have enough.
“Why not? No, don’t tell me. I always did ask too many questions.”
“Yes, you do. It’s so nice and peaceful out here. Let’s just sit and enjoy the night.”
“All right.” Allison leaned contentedly against the man who’d stepped in and changed her life, determined to follow his suggestion. He cared about her. She needed his comfort, and she relaxed as he touched his foot to the floor and moved the swing back and forth.
From where they were sitting, they could watch fireflies twinkle like stars against the velvet darkness of the garden. In the distance the crickets and tree frogs set up a symphony of night sounds, and the ever-present sweetness of honeysuckle and magnolias perfumed the air. A crescent-shaped moon hung low in the sky, sprinkling moonbeams through the branches of the trees.
“How did you hurt your knee, Allison?”
“There’s nothing unusual about a skater being injured. You fall, turn an ankle, bump a knee. I’d done it a thousand times—until the Olympics. Then …” She went silent for a moment.
“What happened at the Olympics?”
“We were in third place, behind the English and the Russian ice skaters. For some reason we weren’t skating well. There was one particularly difficult move we’d practiced, but our coach had decided it was too risky.”
“But you did it anyway.”
“Yes. We’d completed the move several times back in Colorado. Then in practice I landed off balance and twisted my knee. For the next two days I couldn’t even rehearse. They gave me a shot so I could perform and, well, the bottom line is we won.”
“But your knee was badly injured,
wasn’t it?” Joker winced as he considered what she’d said. He’d heard the story before, from every professional sports player he’d met or read about.
“Who knows? In any case, it didn’t matter. I had to go on.”
“Why?”
“Mar … Too many people were counting on me. I would have taken any risk. We didn’t have a chance without it.”
“And you pulled it off. I saw the pictures of the two of you wearing the gold medals.” He didn’t tell her that he’d been drawn to that picture first. She had been smiling in the photo, but her eyes had seemed vacant, dulled with the tension of choked back pain. She’d been hurting even then, and he’d felt her hurt, just by looking at her. The newspapers had said she’d twisted her knee when she stepped down from the box, but he’d known that only sheer willpower had kept her upright during the ceremony and the playing of “The Star-Spangled Banner.”
“Yes. We won. We won the gold medal, and it was worth it.” There was a fierce pride in her voice, and the trace of a dare.
“Do you still think it was worth it?”
“Of course,” she defended hotly. “How many people in the world have ever been the best—at anything? I may never be again, but for that one moment I was the best.”
“Yet even hurt you kept on skating afterward?”
“Yes, we knew that it was only a matter of time before the public would forget about us, and we had to consider the future. It wouldn’t have been fair to Mark for me not to go on. We’d worked too hard to quit. After we joined the Ice Follies, we skated all over the world. Even Princess Diana and Prince Charles came to see us.”
“And you kept on hurting that knee, didn’t you?”
She didn’t want to answer him. Even to herself it was hard to justify her actions now. At the time she’d have done anything to hang on to the spotlight and Mark. But now it seemed foolish and terribly sad. Masking the pain had caused her injury to worsen and had cost her the very thing she’d wanted most. Kill the pain? No. She’d never do that again. That’s why she’d thrown her medication away.
“What about your partner?” Joker asked quietly after a long moment.
“Mark? Mark and I … we split up.”
“I know. Where is he now?”
“He’s skating with Dance Europe. He couldn’t be expected to retire just because I couldn’t skate any more. I mean,” her voice rose, “skating is his life.”
Joker finally understood. Whatever had happened to Allison was more than a knee injury. And if he didn’t misread the sudden tension in her body, Mark was still part of her problem. “But why didn’t you stop? Didn’t you know you were courting disaster?”
“No! Yes. I don’t know. Injury is always a risk to an athlete. There’s nothing unique about what happened to me.”
Joker shook his head. He wanted to draw her back into his arms, but he didn’t. Instead he concentrated all his energy on the sadness he sensed in her. As if he were a sponge, he soaked up her fear, and little by little she leaned back until her neck was resting comfortably on his arm again.
“Why did you stay away for so long, Allison? You could have come home any time.”
“Joker, I can’t answer any more questions. But I’d like to ask you a few. What exactly is it that you do? I can’t believe that the income you’d earn as a gardener would allow you to buy this place.”
“I’m a gardener all right, but I’m also a landscaper, and”—he pursed his lips wondering how far to go, then decided to tell it all—“and I do a little gambling now and then.”
“You gamble? As in playing cards?” She sat up straight and turned to face him. “Why take that kind of dumb chance?”
“It started in order to test my special instincts, and I won. I do it for the challenge, I guess. Why do you skate? For the thrill, the satisfaction of winning.”
She considered his answer. “I guess I do understand gambling. The thrill of being the best, of claiming that one moment of glory. I suppose the feeling could be the same. And you won.”
“Yes,” he added very carefully, “and so did you.”
“And now I’m paying the price. I’m not qualified to do anything else, and unless I can skate again, I’ll never be able to buy Elysium back. So you see, my answers aren’t that simple.”
“Nobody ever said life was simple, Beauty.” Joker took her hand and held it. “We just do what we have to do. And what we have to do now is get you to bed. Tomorrow we start solving our skating problem.”
“This is not ‘our’ problem, Joker. My knee is my problem, and with the proper therapy, I’m supposed to be able to walk. But skate? Not without pain. And that, I’m learning to live with.”
At least she’d voiced the possibility that she was considering some kind of future. He thought she was wrong about the knee. But they’d cross that bridge when they came to it. For now, she was going to stay, and that was all he wanted.
“About that pain. Tell me who issued your prescriptions, and I’ll get them refilled. The pharmacist over at the nursing home will handle it for you so that the word won’t get out.”
“Thank you,” she said, knowing that she was going to need the medication if she planned to do any of the exercises she’d been assigned. She gave Joker the doctor’s name and told him how he could be located. “I just wish they were magic pills, instead of muscle relaxers and painkillers.”
“Oh, you’re not going to need them for long. I told you I’d take care of you. Maybe you won’t skate again. Big deal. We’ll make wings and fly.” He gathered her up in what was becoming a familiar position, one hand beneath her legs and the other behind her back.
Hesitantly she slid her arms around his neck. Who was she to argue with her grandmother’s judgment? Tonight she needed Joker to be there, too, strong and reassuring.
“Anybody ever tell you that you smell good?” she asked, arranging herself against him.
“Hey, that’s my line,” he protested, and carried her back inside and up the stairs to her bedroom. “Now I’m going to have to come up with something equally provocative.”
“Like what?”
“Like you’d better stop squirming around. It’s very stimulating to the male body.”
“Ah, Joker, we’re friends, remember.” As if to torment him, she repositioned her arms and turned her upper body more fully against him.
Joker groaned and dropped his voice into a throaty growl. “You can be friendly in your way, and I’ll be friendly in mine. Besides, I remember the first little girl I was friends with. We had a great time playing together.”
The upper hall was dark. Joker didn’t bother to turn on the switch as he pushed the door open and moved inside Allison’s room.
“Oh? What did you play?”
“Doctor and nurse. I always did think that was more fun than cowboys and Indians.”
“I’ll bet,” she said with a laugh. “The cowboy always kissed the horse.”
“Definitely a waste of good friendship,” Joker’s voice had turned husky and was warm against her forehead.
“Aren’t you going to put me down?”
“I suppose. Are you sure you don’t want to play with me? I’m a lot of fun.”
“Not tonight, Joker, my friend. It’s beddy-bye time.”
“Do I get a good night kiss?”
“Do you think you deserve one?”
“Like your grandmother said, I’m a good boy.”
“Good boy? I don’t think I’ll buy that,” Allison said in a light tone. “You’re much too charming to be trusted.”
Allison never meant to kiss the man. When her arms tightened behind his head, she never intended to lift her lips to meet his. But she did, and when they touched, it seemed very right. She knew that she’d been waiting for him to kiss her all evening. There was nothing urgent about his touch; it was just a gentle examination of her mouth. His mustache feathered her upper lip with a teasing motion. His kiss was wonderful, she thought, as she gave herself over to the
sensation.
“Ah, Beauty, I think we’d better stop meeting like this. I mean, a guy could get the wrong idea, standing in a woman’s bedroom while she ravishes him with sexy kisses.”
“Thank you, Joker,” she whispered softly. “For a minute there I almost believed you. You make me feel as if I’m very special. You’d be so easy to take advantage of.”
“Take advantage,” he pleaded seriously. “I can handle it.”
“I’m sorry I was such a witch. I know you’re just being nice to me, and to Gran.”
“Just being nice? You can tell my body that, lady, but it won’t believe you.” He dropped a soft kiss on her forehead and deposited her on the bed. “Get undressed, and I’ll be back to massage that knee.”
“No!” her reply was too quick. The last thing she wanted was for him to touch her again. Every time he held her, she felt as if she were floating. He was definitely addictive. She wanted him to hold her, but she was afraid to let him.
Joker made a rough sound and lowered his head to kiss her again. If she let him kiss her, she’d lose complete control. She had to think about what had happened between them.
“I mean,” she blurted out, holding up her hand in rebuff, “I’m so relaxed that my knee isn’t even hurting. I think I’ll be able to sleep tonight. But thank you, Joker. Good night.”
“Good night, Beauty,” was his reluctant reply.
“Joker, I wish you’d stop calling me that. I’m no beauty, and you’re no beast.”
Joker paused in the doorway and turned back to the woman who was showered with silver moonlight as it poured through the window. “Oh, we’re Beauty and the Beast all right, darling. But then you know what happened to them, don’t you?”
“No, I don’t remember. Tell me.”
“Beauty turned her back on her past. Then they fell in love and lived happily ever after.”
“I think you left out part of the story, didn’t you? Falling in love can hurt. Love isn’t that simple.”
“I guess not. But then nothing important ever is. Beauty and the Beast was a fairy tale about two make-believe characters. You and me? We’re real.”